In the Middle
by RachelRach00
Summary: Riku has been trying to be a matchmaker for forever. Either his friends are dense or he's just horrible at it. Warning! Contains foul language and internet memes.
1. Intro: First Problem aka Kairi

**Author's Note:** Hi! Thanks for clicking this story. This is a bit of an intro. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!

* * *

"Don't look at me like that, Sora. She friend-zoned both of us."

"She turned me down because she couldn't choose between you and me, Riku. Therefore, I blame you."

I sighed as Sora and I continued walking down the beach.

"Noooo, this whole damn thing was a big misinterpretation. I didn't have any intention of asking Kairi out. I was only there 'cause you said you needed moral support. Well you're fucking welcome. Now we're her two bestest friends everrrr."

Sora grimaced and shook his head. "How come you're not pissed about it?"

"Dude, Kairi was never really my type. She's more like a little sister to me."

Sora stopped and stared at me with wide eyes.

"Then why did we always have those competitions to see who can give a paopou fruit to her?"

"'Cause I knew it bothered you."

"You mean all this time you were just trolling!"

"Eyup."

Sora looked positively flabbergasted. If you asked me, I'd say it was one of his better faces. It was like everything he knew was a lie. I wouldn't say that I really enjoyed doing this to him, but he makes it so damn easy that I can't help myself.

"I can't believe I took you seriously. You're a dick you know that?" Sora scoffed, "Whatever, I'm going home."

"Are you friend-zoning me too?" I called after him.

He flipped me the bird and kept walking. Christ, I'm gonna be alone forever. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked home. Maybe I should stop messing with him. After all we're going to be high school seniors soon. Gotta grow up, right? Hmm. Screw it, I'll stop trolling when he stops being naïve. That works for me.

I paused as I passed our old hangout. Kairi was there, sitting in her usual spot on the tree trunk. I couldn't understand it. I thought Kairi would've gladly gone out with Sora if he asked. Since I was there too, it probably confused her. Maybe it was my fault after all. Then again Sora should have been a man and went by himself. Ugh, I don't know. I don't want to deal with her right now. I decided to keep walking and hope she didn't turn around.

"Oh, Riku?"

Fuuuuuuuuck. Can't keep walking now. I made a u-turn and came up to my spot by the tree.

"Hey Kairi, what's up?"

"Um about earlier today…"

Oh boy…

"Is everything ok with Sora? He was acting really weird. Just all of a sudden asking me to go out with him. I always thought we were just friends…"

Oh Kairi. You clueless little ditz you.

"Well, other than the fact that you rejected him, he's just dandy. And uh, he always had a crush on you Kairi."

Kairir's jaw dropped. "REALLY! Oh wow. That's… wow."

Good God it's like a horrible soap opera with these two.

"You mean, like, all this time?"

"Ya. You didn't notice?"

"NO! Oh my God! You could have said something you know, Riku!"

"I am saying something…"

"I meant like earlier, jeez."

Kairi also has a really good flabbergasted face. Only hers seems to be more panicked. This must be a real pickle for her. For some time we just stared for a while, me at the ocean, her at her feet.

"So do you like Sora?"

She jumped like she was in a trance or something and immediately started fidgeting.

"Well yeah I do like Sora, but umm. In that way? Uhh I don't know…"

"Well you don't have to come up with an answer today, Kairi. Just something to think about."

"Yeah ok. Thanks for telling me, Riku. You're a good friend."

I snorted. "Go tell Sora that for me ok?'

"Huh? Why?"

"He thinks I'm a troll."

"A troll? That's so mean!" I don't think you got that one Kairi…

"I know right?" I gotta stop doing this, "Anyway, I'll catch you later, ok?"

"Oh, um, ok. See ya later Riku. Um, just so you know. I do like you too."

"I already knew that," I grinned as I walked away.

Goddammit Kairi. It's like I'm back to square one again. I've been trying to get these two idiots together for years now. I just want them to be fucking happy. Now you gotta go and drag me into the picture. Why you do you do that? This has nothing to do with me. Seriously, it should just be you, him, happy ending, that's it!

Kairi had no idea at all. I didn't know she was that oblivious or ignorant or whatever. I won't tell Sora that though. I'm not that cruel. He did try to make a move so I'll give him some props. But getting out of the friend-zone is gonna be a real bitch. And I get the feeling I'm going to have to help him out of it.


	2. Ch2: Poor Advice and Bad Luck Sora

**Author's Note: **I don't own anything involved with Kingdom Hearts other than this story. This is chapter 2. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.

* * *

"I know that feel, bro."

Ok so I spent the rest of my day venting to Axel since he's the only person who actually listens to me. We were hanging out in one of the back alleys of Sunset Boulevard like a couple of bamfs. Well, I was hanging out. I think Axel might live here. Poor bastard. Anyway, apparently he's gone through the same shit. Thank God this cluster isn't happening to just me.

"Yeah, I had the same issue with Roxas and Namine. The reason they wouldn't get together was because they didn't want me to feel left out. Doesn't that just give you diabetes?"

I thought for a moment. "You know it kinda does. So what happened then?"

Axel shifted his weight and leaned against a nearby dumpster. "Well, I was gonna suggest a threesome, but I stopped myself."

"Just barely though, huh?"

He gave me a happy-go-lucky smile. "Yup. So I ended up getting a girlfriend and now Roxas and Namine suck face every day. I fucking love happy endings."

"Yeah me too. Wait, you have a girlfriend?"

"Had one. I used to date Larxene until I took a taser to the knee. It doesn't matter, it was all for them anyways. Besides, I can rock the third wheel."

"Ugh, well I've been rocking it for far too long, dude. Something's gotta change here."

"Get a girlfriend. How about that Xion girl? She's kinda cute."

"Axel, we both know she smells like fish."

"She's perfect for you!"

"God shut uuuuup. I don't want to go through all the trouble of getting a girlfriend. Too much effort."

"Maybe you're gay?"

"Maybe you're an asshole."

"I am an asshole."

"Axel do you have any useful advice?"

He folded his arms behind his head. "Oh is that why you're here? I don't really do useful advice. I did tell you a cool story though, huh bro?"

I stood up and brushed the dirt off my pants. "Yeah, I guess. I'll catch you later man. I gotta think about this some more. I know Sora wants it. I just got to get Kairi to make up her mind. Then I'll have some fucking peace."

"Alright man. Don't hurt yourself with all the brain work," Axel called after me.

I headed to the subway and got a ticket for home. I was hoping Axel would have something useful to say. Well, not really. I just shoot the breeze and hope for a miracle. So Roxas and Namine didn't want him to feel left out, huh? Kairi might feel that way, but Sora? Mmm nope, don't think so. I was boarding the train when I faintly heard my name. I turned around and there was Soar coincidentally derpin' his way over here. Did he just run all over creation looking for me? I'm having that moment when you realize that some serious shit is about to hit the fan.

"Riku! We got to talk!" Sora shouted between gasps.

"Oh we're talking again? Glad to know we have a stable relationship." I flopped down in the seat nearest to the back of the cart. Sora was on my heels.

"Will you listen! It's Kairi. She thinks we're gay!"

My eyes widened in disbelief. "You mean we're not!"

Sora's shoulders dropped. "Dude come on, this is serious."

"Wait so you're friend-zoned and gay? You should just be called Bad Luck Sora."

"She thinks you're gay too Riku!"

"So does Axel and you're forgetting that I don't have many fucks to give."

Poor Sora. I watched him take a deep breath while rubbing his temples. "Look, Riku, I need your help. Please help."

I rolled my eyes. "I never said I wouldn't, dude."

He let out a huge sigh. "But you still have to make fun of me for it?"

"Of course. So how did Kairi come to this conclusion anyway?"

He finally sat down in the seat across from me.

"She just suddenly came up to me and said she heard through the grape vine about our 'situation.' She started congratulating me and saying how happy she was for us and then she just walked off. Who the fuck would tell her that and why?"

I folded my arms. "I don't know, Sora, but I think we better watch out. We're dealing with a real badass here."

"Pfft, yeah. Well, we gotta go tell her it's not true. You agree with me on this right?"

"Sora if I disagreed, I'd be making out with you right now."

"Dear God don't even say stuff like that. I mean there's nothing wrong with being gay, but I like women and I like Kairi. And she is the last person I want to think that I'm gay. Also, you know how she is with secrets."

"You mean how she isn't?"

"Well… yeah." Sora couldn't argue with me on this one. Kairi's cute, but she's got a mouth on her that's bigger than Pete's on a bad day.

"Wait, Sora why didn't you just tell her then and there that we don't have a situation?"

He looked at his feet and sighed. "I was so shocked I couldn't speak. And by the time I could she was long gone. I know I should have nipped it then, but I just couldn't. Pretty weak, huh?" He braced himself for whatever remark I was about to make.

"Not really, man. Shit happens. Also, I'm not gonna troll you for every little thing you do."

Sora gave me a half-smile and relaxed his shoulders.

"Sometimes you do it all by yourself," I muttered.

He punched me in the shoulder and we both laughed, probably louder than we should of. This whole deal with Kairi was getting so ridiculous, and in Sora's case, depressing. Sometimes you just gotta laugh at it. Yeah we'll set Kairi straight, but I what I really want to know is who is being our little rumor spreader. I guess we'll find out. SOON.


End file.
